Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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