I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize