One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
