so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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