I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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