I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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