Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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