I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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