He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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