I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
