I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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