life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
