the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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