Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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