Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
