I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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