So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
