Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
