i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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