Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
