I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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