drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
