Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
