making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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