Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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