hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
