i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
