have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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