I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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