This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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