My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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