We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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