i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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