I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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