Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
