Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
