I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize