where am i from again
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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