so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
