My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
