Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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