you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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