she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
