WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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