it's too hot outside to masturbate.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
