operation harelip BJ is a go
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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