get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
