How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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