Soap is not a condiment
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
