I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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