You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
