no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
