oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
