3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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