I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
