it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
