Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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