Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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