Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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