if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
