Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
