I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize