I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
