OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sober January is a disaster.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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