Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
two words: eviction party
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
