The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
