I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
